Goodbye Eli
by NerdySkeleton
Summary: They were all gathered to say goodbye to a relative acquaintance. It was no one they all especially liked, but they knew he would be missed. Written for That Creepy Kid's Funeral Challenge. .


Written for **That Creepy Kid's** SP challenge involving a funeral. Technically, no _one_ is dead, but they're still holding a funeral, and you said originality, so I figured this would be okay :D

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Skulduggery Pleasant sat stiffly at the kitchen table in Gordon's mansion. He looked up and barely registered sixteen year old Valkyrie Cain saunter into the kitchen. Her face was grim.

"Skulduggery," she said quietly.

He looked up at her. "Yes?

"Come outside for a minute?" Valkyrie replied, beckoning to get up. He did so, and he walked slowly after her, and they both stepped out into the backyard together. Immediately, soft, depressing piano music played, and Skulduggery noticed fake black roses scattered on the ground. By the big oak tree in the corner of the yard, stood Tanith, Ghastly, Fletcher, and Gordon. Each of them was dressed in black, with the exception of Gordon. Skulduggery paused and began to take a step back, but Valkyrie's face broke out into a grin and she quick pulled him back away from the house.

"No you don't," she shouted playfully. "You're to give the eulogy! It's important, especially for such a sad occasion as this!"

"You don't sound too distraught over it, Valkyrie," he observed. "I think you're happy that we're having a…funeral of some kind. Whose funeral is it anyway?"

"Your ego's!" Tanith shouted. She grinned when Skulduggery stopped and forced Valkyrie to stop dragging him. "After that…_incident_, we figured your ego must be quite bruised. So we're having a funeral for the dead part." She pointed to the cardboard box by Ghastly's feet. Fletcher had an iPod plugged into a stereo, and he switched the music to **Sorrow by David Bowie**. He smiled and gave the thumbs up like an idiot.

"It was not an incident," Skulduggery grumbled.

"No, having the Grand Mage shout at you about anything for five minutes is _nothing_," Gordon added sarcastically, winking a little.

Valkyrie tightened her grip on Skulduggery's arm and yanked him towards the box. Ghastly was red in the face from trying to hold his laughter in. Gordon didn't bother hiding his smirk.

"Ready?" she asked loudly, positioning the skeleton in front of the box. A big square hole was dug next to the cardboard cube. By the box was a stone that said:

**Here Lies Eli – a part of a collective Ego of one Mr. Skulduggery Pleasant. **

**May he rest in peace, and never return, since none can handle Eli, Egbert, Elijah, Eliza, Evangeline, and Esther the Ego Parts together as one. **

**Born ???? Died May 14, 2012**

"You guys are really terrible," Skulduggery mumbled. He shook his head, but took a "breath," and he spoke a few words.

"Eli the Chunk of my Ego was a good chunk of my Ego. He, I like to think, was the part that refused to sit still. I have since become a quieter, calmer person because of my loss. I didn't know that my Ego was in chunks, nor was it in _six_ chunks, but I shall love each part until they are like poor Eli the Chunk of my Ego. May he rest in peace."

The five others clapped their hands, and Skulduggery gave a small bow. Fletcher and Ghastly reached down to lift the box, struggling with the weight.

"Is that supposed to symbolize something?" Skulduggery asked warily, eying the two girls and Gordon suspiciously. "If it were, I'd be quite offended."

"Ah not really," Tanith said. "We just filled it when a bunch of rocks. We even made a little paper face and wrote 'Eli the Chunk of Skulduggery's Ego' on his forehead." She grinned and watched as the box was lowered into the whole. Fletcher and Ghastly released their grip on it, and it fell to the Earth with a dull _THUD_. Valkyrie grabbed a shovel and buried the box, while Tanith placed the stone on top of the mound of dirt. They all had a moment of silence, and Skulduggery finally broke it by tapping his foot lightly.

"I think Eli the Chunk of Skulduggery's Ego came back to life," Valkyrie grumbled.

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Hope you liked and sorry for mistakes! :D


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